good afternoon discobiscuits…

i’m writing this from the lovely seaside town of Poole, England.  It’s been a pretty crazy trip so far.  I’d say that it’s amazing because it is.  However without Matthew it’s got a bit of a hollow feel to it.  We flew the day after the Pumpkins benefit (again, i’d say best night of my life, but without matthew it had a bit of a hollow feel to it seeing as SP are both of ours favorite band of all time).  I got to accept a plaque from the governor of Illinois proclaiming that day officially as “Matthew Leone Day”  (ugh why couldn’t we be from california! skert) as well I got to join the Pumpkins for the last song which was “1979”..  magical and surreal (ehhh and a bit hollow).  I also delivered a tiny little speech on stage thanking everybody for their incredible generosity, during which I got a little emo and choked up lol.  eh, ya can’t win em all.  sooo naturally, just as anyone else would do :/  I shaved my head and headed off to England.

It’s been a whirlwind and the flight over here was the first time I was forced to do nothing but think.  my favorite thing in the world to do..  except not even a little. I meant to sleep the whole flight cuz I haven’t slept in 6 weeks but my eyes were wide open.  In the chaos surrounding Matthew’s incident I’m constantly haunted by the things i’ve seen and experienced throughout it.  As wonderful as everybody has been, as amazing as all these events, contributions, etc are,  I can not and doubt ever will be able to stop thinking about what happened to my brother.  I get furious, paniced, thankful, remorseful, regretful, grateful and essentially tortured with those thoughts.  I need him back..  i need 100% of him back.  That’s made this trip extra difficult (and maybe perhaps a bit hollow? skeert) because I’m not with him.

We landed and were immediately shipped off to the infamous 2010 Kerrang! Awards.  In what seemed like 2 seconds I suddenly found myself on the red carpet with my other 2  best friends Mateo and Jeezy -  a million photographers and doing ta bunch of interiews, most of which were about Matthew.  That night was beautiful - we presented the “Best International Newcomer” award to Trash Talk (well done boys!).  We sat with the Trash Talk dudes, their management and this other super cool dude whos father happens to be Bruce Dickinson.  We spent the rest of the night partying with the likes of  Corey Taylor, Rammstein, Vince Neil, Good Charlotte - to name a few.  So effing cool, we are very grateful for how lucky we’ve been.

The UK has been phenominal to us and the range of emotions it’s all put me through are a bit too much to take but alas - at the end of the day I do feel like the luckiest person in the world.  My brother is alive and gaining strength, my band is writing our strongest material to date and we’re playing some massive shows over here..  Even though playing without Matthew feels a bit..  hmmm…  hollow? skeert ..  it feels like the right thing to do.  We get to thank all these people, our ML family for the incredible things they’ve done for us, for Matthew and for standing against domestic violence/violence against women.  We also get to subtly shift our lives back to relative “normal” in terms of career/band stuff.  And that is all Matthew wants.  Having said all that, we’re getting ready to release a new track.  The details are being sorted as we speak but it will happen soon and that’s about as “normal” as we can get at this point.  The track is called “They’re Coming For Me” and we recorded it in our rehearsal spot for WorldWarIII.  Matthew tracked bass on it the day before the incident which to me gives it a special vibe.  Mateo flew back to Columbia the day after and began mixing all the demos for WWIII and the tracks for Dresden Codex.  I think you guys are gonna dig on it.. Chris Lord Alge has so graciously donated his mixing prowess and we’re almost ready to get it out there.

Sorry for being a bit long winded.  It definitely has nothing to do with the 14 cups of coffee I just housed (and my steady diet of grapes and cheesecake).  3 more shows and we’re back home to wrap up the EP and finish the 3rd record.  I swear this time i’m telling the truth (lol at myself) - Dresden’s gonna be ready SOON!  Love you all,  please be happy, optimistic, inspired and treated each other like gold..  xoxo